The Party from Hell
by Suni Daughter of Moro
Summary: Alicia has a sleepover but, only a few hours into it, everyone's already bored! Time to whip out the phonebook and call up some friends!
1. The Sleepover Runs Dry

The Party from Hell

Chapter One

"The Sleepover Runs Dry"

(The girls are all sitting in Alicia's room, watching a Pilot Candidate DVD)

Suni: I'm bored.  This DVD sucks…

Ice Hikari: Suni!  This DVD is great!

Suni: It sucks… you should've gotten one with some real fighting… not some stupid training thing.

Ice Hikari: Not my fault- the other Hikari picked it out.

Suni: *stares at Fire Hikari*

Fire Hikari: I just figured that if we wanted to see Pilot Candidate we should watch as close to the beginning as we could.  Since they didn't have "The Academy," I went for "The Training."

Suni: Those in favor of turning this crap off say aye.

*cricket cricket*

Suni: -_-*

Rem: *in "Kisa" mode* *shaking Alicia's arm like crazy* I wanna play Uncle Koga!  I wanna play!

Alicia: I'm not Uncle Koga!  If I were Uncle Koga, I'd be a man, which I'm not!

Rem: *turns to Lex* Uncle Terri, why is Uncle Koga being so mean?

Lex: *eyes fixed to screen*  Ooh Zero….

Rem: O.0 Okay…. *turns to T-chan* Pops, why is Uncle Koga being so mean?

T-chan: It's Pop not Pops.  You know, Snap Crackle Pop?

Rem: Whatever.  Why's he being so mean?

T-chan: We're all girls here, baka!  There is no "he" in this room!

Suni: Why does she keep calling Alicia by my cousin's name?

T-chan: -_-;; She has multiple personalities.  In each one, she relates everyone around her to the character of her personality.  Right now, she's Kisa, the daughter of Sesshomaru the dog demon, and Shinguni the wolf demon, who is Koga's sister.  Then she also does Sesshomaru, Shinguni, Kisa's sister Kanami, Saki sister of Jin, and Rem, the relatively normal human girl.

Katsumi: She thinks she's Rem from Trigun?

Alicia: No.  Her real name's initials spell "Rem."

Katsumi: Oh… *Pulls out a tray of snacks* Who wants Smartfood!? *is absolutely trampled*

Alicia: Smartfood… the one common weakness we all share. *pops open her bag of popcorn*

Naoko: *stuffing her face* This party is going nowhere.  We need some guys here to liven things up.  Let's get some more girls here too.  Alicia, where's the phone book?

Alicia: Wait a sec!  We agreed to have no more than ten people sleeping over!

Naoko: Who says I'm inviting anyone else to sleep over?  *evil laugh* Except maybe _Kurama-kun_…

Alicia: -_-* And where do you plan to put him?  The living room is completely booked!

Naoko: Why not my bedroom?

Alicia: You perv!

Rem: Uncle Koga, what's a perv?

Alicia: Never mind that…

Naoko: Okay okay!  I won't ask Kurama to sleep over!  Hey, if the quota's filled how do we only have nine here?

Alicia: Aonor's late.  She's still trying to choose which DVDs to bring over… not to mention she's also gotta sort out what's inappropriate for the little one.

Rem: I am not little!!!

Naoko: I think I can see what's taking her so long but we won't be needing DVDs to entertain us.

Alicia: Why's that?

Naoko: I found your address book! *holds up a little black book*

Alicia: 0_o Hey that's for my eyes only!!!!

Naoko: *reading book* Ooh… guy's Alicia's gone out with…. Hiei—

Ice Hikari: *pouts* Hmph!

Naoko: Koga—

Suni: Alicia!

Naoko: Sesshomaru!

Rem: *in "Rem" mode* *strangles Alicia*

Naoko: Inuyasha…

Katsumi: *frowns slightly*

Naoko: Vash—

T-chan and Lex: *glare at Alicia, who is still being choked*

Naoko: And… Kurama!?!  How dare you!

Alicia: *finally released by Rem* By now, I know the post-strangling stages: first is fiery throat, then unbelievable nausea, then slight nausea and dizziness, and finally an incredible thirst….

Naoko: Are those stages from your personal experience or a textbook?

Lex and Alicia: Personal experience.

Alicia: Nothing more shall be said about that.

Lex: Indeed.

Naoko: Okay… First I'll call Yusuke! *dials number*

(Yusuke's House)

Yusuke: Mom!  Alcohol is flammable!  What the hell were you thinking when you stored it in the oven!?!

*ring…ring…ring*

Yusuke: *Answers phone* Hello?

(Alicia's room)

Naoko: Yusuke!  Sup?

(Yusuke's House)

Yusuke: Naoko?  Not much.  You?

(Alicia's room)

Naoko: We've got a dying party going on here.  Can you round up the gang and come over?

(Yusuke's House)

Yusuke: Sure thing.  I can't get Kuwabara though- Shizuru says he's got the flu.

(Alicia's room)

Naoko: *silently* Thank God! *actually speaking again* See ya in five Yu-chan! *hangs up*  Now, how to contact the guys in the feudal era without letting Kagome know about the party…

T-chan: Can't be done… sadly…

Alicia: Oh well, we'll just have to use her for pin the tail on the donkey and drive her away.  All in favor?

Everyone: AYE!

Naoko: Okay then *calls the Higurashi residence*

(Higurashi shrine)

Sota: *answers phone* Hello?  Oh hi Naoko.  No, sis isn't available.  She told me she'd rather cut her own arm open and study the muscle structure in it than spend two more seconds talking to you.  A party?  Okay, I'll send a message through the well for ya.  No problem.  See ya.

(Alicia's Room)

Naoko: Good news!  Kagome said she'd rather cut her own arm open and study the muscle structure in it than spend two more seconds talking to us.  That means she won't come!

Everyone: YAY!!!!

Naoko: Anyway, let's see… who else to call….

Alicia: Use the special numbers to get Kenshin and San!

Naoko: Sure thing!  First, San! *dials special number*

(Wolves' den)

San: This blasted tele-whatever!  I wish Alicia had explained how I make it stop ringing! *presses a few buttons, happens to get it*  Hello?

(Alicia's room)

Naoko: Yo San.  Sup?  Yeah sure, I'll tell Alicia she's a stupid loony with half a brain.  Anyway, we're having a party tonight, wanna come?  Yeah.  Yeah?  Okay.  Later. *hangs up* She's coming.  She wanted to bring Ashitaka so I told her she could.  Oh and Alicia---

Alicia: I already heard the message. -_-*

Naoko: Okay!  Time to call Kenshin! *dials special number*

(Kamiya Dojo)

Kenshin: Miss Kaoru, it's dangerous to throw knives that it is!  Please, Miss Kaoru, put the knives down!

*ring…ring…*

Sano: *picks up the phone* Yo.  Hey Naoko.  A party?  Well I don't know.  I'd love to but Kaoru's had another of her scary mood swings.  Yeah, sure.  Me and Kenshin will be there.  Right, Kenshin?

Kenshin: Huh?

Sano: Party at Maxwell's.

Kenshin: Okay!

Sano: We'll be right over!  And we'll try to bring Kaoru if we can calm her down enough.  Later!

(Alicia's Room)

Naoko: *hangs up*

T-chan: I'll call Vash!  I have him on speed dial on my cell phone! ^-^ *dials number* Hi Vash!  Sup?  Your restraining order against me expired two months ago, ya moron!  _Yes, I'm sure!  Listen, we're having a party here.  Wanna come?  Of course you can come!  Just make sure you don't bring Meryl but you do bring Millie and Wolfwood.  Alright, later. *hangs up* I told him to leave Meryl behind!_

Everyone: YAY!!!

Naoko: I'll call the Murasaki's now. *dials Tenchi's number* Then I'll call Sanzo and the gang!

Alicia: Don't bother.  I already paged 'em.

(Tenchi's house)

Washu: *comes out of her other dimension in the storage closet* Man, that was some hard work!  So tired!  And thirsty!  Oh well!  Guess I'll get myself a soda! *starts heading for the kitchen*

*ring…*

Washu: *picks up* Hello, Little Washu speaking!  Oh, hi Naoko-chan!  Alicia didn't ask you to call and order another biological android did she?  Thank God!  Anyway, sup?  Really?  Mm-hmm… why sure!  We'll be there!  See ya there! *hangs up*

(Alicia's Room)

Naoko: *hangs up* Now all we have to do is sit back and wait…

Aonor: *bursts into room* I brought DVDs!  And Smartfood!

Everyone else: YAY!!!


	2. New Guests Arriving

The Party from Hell

Chapter Two

"New Guests Arriving"

(The girls have now moved to the dining room, because it's much larger than Alicia's room, it's closer to the front door, and it has a stereo system.)

Aonor: So who did you guys invite?

Alicia: The Rekai Tantei and company.

Naoko: Inuyasha and company… minus Kagome.

Everyone: Yay!

Suni: We invited my sister and her boyfriend.

Lex: And Kenshin co.!

Alicia: Kenshin co.?

Lex: It sounds repetitive if you keep saying 'and company.'

T-chan: I called Vash!!!

Ice Hikari: Then we called Tenchi!  *pauses and listens to the music playing* Ooh I love this song!  ♪Yakusoku no wa ippai—♪

Alicia: You just melded two lines, genius. It's "♪Yakusoku no jikan wa. ♪"

Ice Hikari: Well I don't care! 

*Ding dong*

Alicia: I'll get it *goes to answer door*

Aonor: Why didn't we invite Belldandy Skuld or Urd?  And why not Van, Hitomi, and Meryl?

Rem: STUPID MERYL!!!  EVIL!!!!

T-chan: Calm down, Rem.  She's talking about Escaflowne's Meryl.

Rem: Oh…

Alicia: Belldandy, Skuld, Urd, Peorth, Keiichi!  What a surprise!  What are you doing here?

Skuld: Sota-chan sent me an e-mail about a party!  So we came!

Belldandy: And I brought Velsper along! ^-^

Alicia: ^_^;; That's nice Bell… though I have no idea why you'd bring a _cat_ to a _party…_

Velsper: ~You know damn well I'm not a cat, Alicia!~

Alicia: Anyway, come on in guys!

*Everyone enters, Alicia closes door*

*Ding dong*

Alicia: *opens door* Van-sama!  Meryl!  Hitomi!  You three traveled all the way from Gaea to come to the party!?

Van: What can I say?  Things are getting dull on Gaea.

Alicia: That's nice… I think….  Come on in!

*The three enter, Alicia's about to close door when Ryoko reaches out and holds it open*

Ryoko: Why hello Alicia!  How nice to see you again!

Alicia: If you're sucking up so I'll let you use my genetics lab to create a child that's half you half Tenchi, keep dreaming.

Ryoko: Damn it!  Ah well, hi anyway.  *waits for everyone but Ayeka to enter and then slams the door in Ayeka's face*

Alicia: Ryoko!  Open the door! *holds up a gun*

Ryoko: *sigh* Fine… come on in princess…. *opens door*

Ayeka: Oh thank you so much Miss Alicia!  You're so much nicer than some people!  I really must say it's a pleasure to see you agai---

Alicia: I won't let you use the lab either.

Ayeka: Darn! *closes the door*

Goku: *breaks down the door, trapping Ayeka underneath it* Alicia!  We came as soon as we could!

Alicia: *looks quizzically at the four guys in the doorway who are all brandishing their weapon of choice* You guys are so dense.  When are you gonna realize that I don't page you cause I'm in danger?

Sanzo: *grabs Alicia by the neck* Then why the hell'd you page us this time!?  It better not be another damn game show!!!

Alicia: Nah!  It's a party!

Gojyo: *spots Ayeka on the floor*  Hi there, pretty miss… *helps Ayeka up* How would you like to have a real party, hm?  Just you and me? *sly smile*

Ayeka: *smack* I am a princess of the Jariah royal family!  No one speaks to me in such a manner!

Gojyo: Sorry _princess_.  Yo, guys, you can leave if you want but I'm going babe scouting.  

Goku: I'm not leaving!  I smell food!  Yummy, yummy FOOD!!! *drool*

Alicia: And I actually think I've got more than enough to fill you up, Goku! ^-^

Hakkai: *laughs* That's impossible!  Nice to see you again, Alicia.

Alicia: Same here, Hakkai-chan. ^-^

Sanzo: *sigh* Well, I can't really continue my journey to stop the resurrection of Gyumao without a team so I guess I'm stuck here for the time being.  By the way, who was the strange dog-boy with the monk, the girl with the enormous boomerang, the fox, the wolf, and that guy that looked like an elf, who followed us all the way here?

Alicia: Oh you must mean Inu-san!  *looks behind Sanzo and sees Inuyasha and the gang* Inuyasha! Koga! Shippo! Sango! Miroku! *runs out of the house to greet them and throws herself into Inuyasha's arms*  Nice to see you again Master Inu!

Inuyasha: Just because you keep calling me that doesn't mean I'll teach you swordsmanship!

Alicia: Oh great… I was hoping Sanzo wasn't mistaken when he said an elf.

Sesshomaru: If you do not wish me here I shall simply leave.  It makes no difference to me.

Alicia: Actually, I'm concerned about your welfare if you step inside.  I've got an extremely hyper girl on a sugar rush inside who thinks she's your daughter… or your wife… or your other daughter… or you…

Sesshomaru: I'm afraid I do not understand.

Alicia: Guess you'll just have to see with your own eyes.

Inuyasha: Wait a minute!  Did you just say some _girl thinks she's _Sesshomaru_!?_

Alicia: -_-;;  Please refrain from calling Rem a "girl."  She's rebelling against the system by demanding to be called a tomboy.  Call her a girl and I'm pretty sure you'll end up getting a glass bottle or two tossed at you.

Inuyasha: O…kay….

Alicia: Well come on in guys!  Oh, hi Sota!  I didn't see you there!

Sota: Hi! Sup, Licia?

Alicia: Not much.

*Inuyasha and company enter*

Alicia: *perks up* I hear something…

Vash: *rounding the corner with Knives, Wolfwood, and Millie* ♪Total slaughter, total slaughter… I won't leave a single man alive… la di da di die, genocide… la di da di dum, an ocean of blood… Let's begin the killing time….♪

Alicia: Oi!  Vash!

Vash: Oh hi Alicia!  How are you today?

*Large crash heard from inside*

Alicia: Good but not for long, I'm afraid… *goes inside and finds Miroku on the floor, writhing in pain*

Koga: Don't you dare ask my cousin to bear you a son ever again, monk!

Suni: Thanks, cuz.

Alicia: Guys!  I know Miroku's a bit of a letch but that doesn't give you the right to pound the snot outta him!

Vash: I take it this means anything I typically say/do to ladies is out of the question tonight?

*Another crash, Gojyo is thrown in from the computer room by Van*

Gojyo: Jeez, what's with these guys?  Can't we share the babes?

Alicia: ^_^;;  Yes Vash, your usual routine is out of the question.

*Ding dong*

Alicia: I'll get it!  *rushes to the door and opens it*  Kenshin! Sano! Kaoru! San! Ashitaka! Hey!

Kenshin: Hello Miss Alicia.  You look lovely today, that you do.

Alicia: ^-^ Why thank you Kenshin!  You're just too sweet!

San: Hey Alicia!  The least you coulda done was to show me how the tele-thingy worked!  It took me five minutes to get it to stop ringing!

Alicia: Sorry San.  I was in a rush.  *looks over San's shoulder* Hi guys!

Yusuke: Hey.

Keiko and Botan: Hi!

Kurama: Good afternoon, Alicia.

Hiei: Hn.

Kurama: *nudges Hiei in an attempt to make him actually say something*

Hiei: *cold, cold stare*

Jin: Hey Alicia!  Has me sister been 'round these parts recently?

Alicia: *blush* Hi Jin!  Yeah, your sister's inside.

Jin: Oh boy… She ain't drinkin' 'gain is she?  I keep tellin' her she's underage but…

Alicia: It's okay.  I reserve the right to keep my house alcohol free.  That means take the vodka bottle outta your pocket Yusuke!

Yusuke: How'd she know…?

Alicia: I have the nose of a wolf Urameshi!  Now empty it!  And not by drinking it!

Yusuke: Aw man… *dumps vodka out on the sidewalk*

Alicia: And the whiskey in the other pocket!?

Yusuke: God!  She's a bloodhound! *takes the whiskey out of his other pocket*

Jin: Urameshi, can I ha' a swig o' that before you dump it?

Alicia: NO ALCOHOL!!!!

Yusuke: Sorry Jin.  You heard her.  *dumps the whiskey*

Suni: GOOD NEWS!!!  I CALLED SHAYDE!!!!!!!!  AND SAMMY D! AND KOIAME!

Alicia: -_-*  Just what I need… more people for my rude neighbors, who spawned the loudest, worst behaved kids on the block, to complain about….


	3. Fun and Flirting

The Party From Hell

Chapter 3

"Fun and Flirting"

By: Alicia and Shayde

Alicia: Well I think that's about all the people coming.  Only Shayde, Koiame, Sam, and Maddy have yet to show up.  Hey, where's Rem?

T-chan: Upstairs with Sesshomaru.  She went into "Shinguni mode" the instant he came in the door.

Alicia: 0_o May God- and Rem- have mercy on that poor mutt.

Inuyasha: I don't get it.  What's a "Shinguni mode"?

Alicia: It means she thinks she's Sesshomaru's incredibly flirtatious wife…

Inuyasha: 0.o ………..

Alicia: Inu-san?

Inuyasha: 0.o ………..

Alicia: Inu-sama?

Inuyasha: *passes out*

T-chan: Told ya someone would pass out before everyone arrived.  Pay up.

Lex: Darn… *hands her a twenty*

Alicia: *picking Inuyasha up off the floor* Why would you bet on something so dumb?

Suni: Oh come on Alicia.  It only takes a half-wit to answer that.  It's because they're T-chan and Lex.

T-chan: *kick*

Suni: Ow….

Koga: *pow*

T-chan: Ow! My scar!

Alicia: (who has long since gotten Inuyasha off the floor) Hey, Jin.  Why don't you come sit down on the couch with me, hm?

Jin: Yeah, sure.

*Alicia and Jin sit down on the couch*

Sesshomaru: *comes running down the stairs in a panic* 0_o Alicia… I think your friends are trying to seduce me.  One nearly took her top off.

Alicia: Rem!?

Sesshomaru: The girl with white hair copper skin and blue eyes.

Alicia: -_-" That's Urd.  She does that a lot.  What did Rem do?

Sesshomaru: Is Rem the weird girl, about twelve years old, with the wild brown hair?

Alicia: Yes.

Sesshomaru: Well, first she nearly killed that girl Urd and then she started flirting with me.

Alicia: Currently, she thinks she's your wife.  So get used to it.

Sesshomaru: 0.o …………………

Alicia: Sessh?

Sesshomaru: 0.o …………………

Alicia: Sessho?

Sesshomaru: *passes out*

Alicia: Not another one….  Come to, Sessh!  *kicks Sesshomaru in the side*

Sesshomaru: Ow…

Alicia: You think Rem's done with you?  Think again.  She won't be finished til she shifts modes.

Rem: ♥ Oh Sesshomaru-kun, where are you? ♥

Sesshomaru: 0_o Hide me!

Alicia: You're on your own dog-boy.

Rem: ♥ Sesshomaru! *hugs Sesshomaru* ♥ *sees Alicia flirting with Jin* *instant transformation into Saki mode* Keep your hands off my brother!

Jin: Brother?  What's the lass talkin 'bout?

Alicia: My hands aren't on him so… XP

Rem: Don't you dare flirt with him!  I know what you're up to!

Alicia: Mine! *hugs Jin*

Rem: He's _my _brother!

Alicia: He's mine now… ^.~

Rem: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……

Alicia: *gives Jin a big smooch*

Rem: O.0 How dare you!!!!

T-chan: Now she's done it…

Suni: *grabs her shield* Everyone take cover.  I foresee disaster.

*Bam!*

Sammy D: HEY!  I'M HERE!!!

Alicia: Sammy!  Sup!?

Rem: *pow*

Alicia: Ow!  Rem!  What was that for!?

Rem: NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF ME WHEN I'M MAD!!!

Alicia: Lesson learned.  Now go get me some ice will ya?

Rem: Here ya go!

Alicia: Rem, that's Smartfood…

Rem: Smartfood cure pains and aches better than any stupid ice can!

Alicia: True.  *grabs the Smartfood*

Sammy D: *grabs the Smartfood from Alicia* Mine!  Haha!

Alicia: My Smartfood! *snatches it back* *sees Rem moving in to take Jin away* And my Jin! *hugs Jin protectively* MINE you hear!?

Rem: Listen here you flirty little wench-- *sees Sesshomaru again and goes back to Shinguni mode* ♥Oh Sesshomaru….♥ 

Sesshomaru: AAAAAH! Get her away! *runs off*

Rem: *Takes off after him* ♥ Sessho-kun!  Come back, Love! ♥

*Rem chases Sesshomaru all over the house*

*Ding dong*

Alicia: Must be Shayde!  Suni, can you get it?

Suni: Sure. *heads off to answer the door*

Sesshomaru: *gets desperate enough to run to the bathroom (it's the only room with a lock of any sort)* Stay _away from me!_

Rem: ♥ Sesshomaru! ♥ *pouts*

Sesshomaru: *slams the bathroom door and attempts to lock it*

Rem: *nearly knocks the door off its hinges* ♥ Sesshomaru! Let me in! ♥

Sesshomaru: No!  I—I'm taking a bath!

Rem: ♥ Then I'll scrub you back for you, dear! ♥

Sesshomaru: Leave me alone you sick and twisted pervert!  I'm not your husband!

Rem: ♥ Don't be so silly Sessho-kun!  Of course you are! Now let me in! ♥

Sesshomaru: MAXWELL!  I don't care what it takes!  Just get this freak to leave me alone!

Alicia: Will you settle for her bugging you in a non-flirtatious way?

Sesshomaru: Yes!  Yes of course!!

Alicia: Yo!  Kisa!  Come down here!  Uncle Koga wants to play!

Koga: Someone calling me?

Rem: *now in Kisa mode* Uncle Koga! *jumps down the steps and onto the couch beside "Uncle Koga"*

Koga: Look kid.  I don't know who you think you are right now but she's not Koga.  _I'm_ Koga.

Rem: Don't be silly Aunt Alicia!

Inuyasha: *snicker* "Aunt Alicia"?

Koga: Hey shut up!  I bet she calls you something worse!  Hey, kiddo!  Whaddya call him? *points to Inuyasha*

Rem: That's no "him" Aunt Alicia!  That's Aunt Kagome!

Koga: *nearly busts a gut laughing*

Rem: *pointing to Sango* And that's Uncle Miroku *points to Miroku* and that's Aunt Sango!

Miroku: My… this girl appears to have some issues… better make sure I don't ask _her to bear me a son…_

Koga: And who's the kitsune? *points to Shippo*

Rem: That's no kitsune!  That's Rin!  My human step-sister!

Meryl: Lord Van… why is that girl calling everyone by names of the opposite gender?

Van: I… don't… know…

Rem: Hey Aunt Van and Uncle Meryl!

Van and Meryl: O.0

Rem: Hi!

Shayde:*walks in and looks around* O...k...   
Rem: Hi Uncle Shayde!   
Shayde: 'Uncle Shayde'?...I'm not gonna ask... 

Sesshomaru: Is it safe to leave the bathroom now?

Alicia: Depends, are you okay with being tackled by a hyperactive girl who thinks you're her dad?

Sesshomaru: I'd take that over the flirty wife bit any day. *opens door*

Rem: Daddy! *tackles Sesshomaru*

Alicia: Okay now that that's over… *sly smile* I'm gonna get back to Jin! *hugs Jin and kisses him again*


	4. More Guests and Nonsense

The Party From Hell

Chapter 4

"More Guests and Nonsense"

By: Alicia and Shayde

Alicia: Okay people, do we wanna play a game or something?

Ice Hikari: Ooh ooh ooh!  Let's play Spin the Bottle!

Alicia: Show of hands- who wants to play Spin the Bottle?

Ice Hikari and Katsumi: *raise their hands*

Alicia: Sorry girls.  Majority rules and you certainly aren't a majority.

Ice Hikari: Kuso!

Katsumi: Shiza!

Suni: *blinks* You know German, Katsumi?

Katsumi: Asuka taught me some of it.

Suni: Oh so you only know things like "shit" or "damn" or "stupid."

Katsumi: Ja. *nod*

Suni: That's Asuka for you.

Lex: That reminds me!  I called Shinji and invited him and Rei and Asuka to the party!

Katsumi: Du bist sehr blood!

Lex: Thank you! ^^

Alicia: Alex… I don't remember much of German but I do remember some and I think she just called you very stupid.

Katsumi: I did!  Who invites freaks like Asuka Shinji and Rei to a party!?

*Ding-dong*

Alicia: I'll get it!  *rushes to the door and opens it* Hi Gin!  Hi PG!  Hi IG!

IG+PG: Hi Alicia. *walk inside*

Alicia: Gin, why did you bring them?

Gin: *shrug* I could've done worse.  I could have brought Irish Gin, Russian Gin, British Gin, ….. *goes on for 3½ hours naming the many "Nationality Gins"* Drunk Gin, and those two.

Alicia: I think I'd take your nationality split personalities over Inner Gin and Perverted Gin any day.

Gin: Why?

*Crash is heard from inside*

Alicia: *turns around to watch the ongoing dilemma*

Kione: *hold her gun at PG's nose* If you want to live, never touch me there again!

Alicia: *turns back to Gin* I believe Kione has made my point for me.

PG: Come to me, my penguins!  Protect me!

Penguins (about 20 of them): *come walking in the door and start pecking at Kione*

Kione: Ow! Ow! Ow! OW! WHERE DID ALL THESE PENGUINS COME FROM!?

Alicia: PG is the leader of the penguins.

T-chan: ^^ He's also God… Well… Gin as a whole is…

Belldandy: Gin… the Almighty?  *takes a good look at Gin* He doesn't look a thing like the Almighty.

Alicia: Gin is the Penguinist god.

T-chan: Penguinism is a henotheistic religion- Gin is the main god and Alicia, me, and another girl named Stacy are his underlings.

Alicia: I am the Goddess of Death and Wolves.

T-chan: I am the Goddess of the Twilight.

Alicia: And Stacy is the Goddess of Ice and Fire.

Mihoshi: *giggles* Cool!  I wanna be a goddess!  What do I have to do to become one?

Kione: Mihoshi!  You don't just _become a goddess!  You're __born a g---_

Gin: Kick a priest.

Mihoshi: Okay! *giggles* Here we go! *kicks Wolfwood in the shin*

Wolfwood: K'SO! *picks up his cross and begins shooting machine gun rounds at Mihoshi*

Mihoshi and Kione (who was caught in the line of fire): Waah!  *run away*

Kione: MIHOSHI!!!!  WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO KICK HIM!?

Mihoshi: T_T I'M SORRY KIONE!  I'M SORRY!  I DIDN'T THINK HE'D CHASE US WITH A MACHINE GUN FOR IT!

Wolfwood: *chases the girls outside and around the block a few dozen times*

Asuka: *throws open the front door without so much as a knock* Hi everyone!  The life of the party has arrived!

T-chan: YAY!  MADDY'S HERE!?

Asuka: *grumbles* Very funny Terri…

Shinji: *walks in quietly and sits down in a chair*

Rei: Hello everyone.  I'm very pleased… to see you all again. *walks in and takes a seat beside Shinji*

T-chan: Hey!  We never even called Maddy!

Alicia: We didn't because she's been here all along.  Don't ask me why but she's been living in our attic… and she didn't even ask to come live with us.  We just found her up there one day when we were searching for Christmas lights.

T-chan: ^_^;;  I thought I was the only psycho who wanted to live in your attic.

Alicia: Trust me- there are many more.  And that's scary cause you can probably get Black Lung[1] from living in our attic.

Suni: Yeah, we have lots of coal up there.  _Lots _of it.

T-chan: Why?

Alicia: I'm saving it up.  Once I have enough, it's going to be Asuka's Christmas present from us.

Asuka: Stupid bitch…

Alicia: Shut up, Asuka.

Meryl: Lord Van, I'm _bored_.

Van: Me too.  Should we go kill the humans?

Alicia: 0_o What!?  Oh nonono, Lord Van!  Don't waste your time on them!  Hey! I have an idea!  My Uncle across the street has a pool!  You guys wanna go swimming?

Van: Sure.  Let's go Meryl.

Meryl: I-I-I don't wanna go Lord Van!  I-I'm-I'm…. I'M A HYDROPHOB! T_T

Van: Okay.  Guess I'm going solo then.

Alicia: Oh no you're not! *whispering into Van's ear* Take the pervy guys and the miserable German imp with you.

Shayde: Hold it! *pushes Mike towards Van* Take him too!

Mike: WHAT!?! NO WAY-

Shayde: *evil eye* Get movin'.

Mike: *chipmunk voice* Ok.

Van: Fine. *rounds up Gojyo, Miroku, PG, IG, Vash, and Asuka and head's over to Uncle Danny's*

Mike: *follows grumbling*

Alicia: Thank God they're gone!  Three cheers for the lack of pervy guys!  Hip hip!

Everyone else: HOORAY!

Alicia: Hip hip!

Everyone else: HOORAY!

Alicia: Hip hip!

Everyone else: HOORAY!

Suni: Oi… matte… why are you glad that they're gone, Fire Hikari? Don't you like Miroku?

Fire Hikari: *blood red* Wha-What?  Of course not.

Suni: Then you lie to your diary? *looks at Fire Hikari crossly*

Fire Hikari: I maintain my right to remain silent.

T-chan: T_T I miss my brothers….

Suni: Brothers?

Alicia: She thinks she's Knives.

Suni: Well that would explain "brother" cause Vash left but she said "brothers."

T-chan: Yes… my brothers in pervyness! ^^

Suni and Alicia: -_-;; *sigh*

Hiei: I've got half a mind to destroy all of you.  I have had nothing but misery since I came.

Alicia: I can fix that!  ^^ *jumps into Hiei's lap and kisses him twenty times*

Hiei: 0.o

Alicia: ^^

Jin: *sniffle sniffle*

Alicia: Sorry Jin-chan!  I like you too!

Jin: Okay!  So long as you still like me! ^^

Suni: Tas'kete Kami-sama….

Alicia: Hey!  That's my phrase!

  


* * *

[1] Black Lung- An illness common in coal miners of the early to mid-1900s, Black Lung happens when large amounts of the black dust of coal are inhaled and weaken the lungs.


	5. Jin VS Hiei or Hiei VS Jin I forget the ...

The Party From Hell

Chapter 5

"Jin VS Hiei"

By: Alicia and Shayde

Alicia: *still sitting on Hiei's lap* *huggles Hiei*

Hiei: *beet red* WILL YOU GET OFF MY LAP!?!

Alicia: Aw, how kawaii!

Hiei: I MEAN IT! ENATSU KOKURYU--!!

Alicia: *casts a paralyzing spell on Hiei* Ah ah ah… no trying to fry your hostess Hiei.  Didn't anyone ever tell you that was bad manners?

Hiei: *through gritted teeth (he's paralyzed remember)* I don't care!  Release me from this spell and get off me or I'll kill you, wretch!

Jin: Hey!  Don't speak to the little lass like that!

Hiei: *released from the paralysis spell (though he doesn't quite realize it)* I'll speak to her anyway I want you bastard!

Jin: Shut the hell up Pyro-boy!

Hiei: You wanna step outside, Wind Freak!

Jin: Hm.  Nice comeback.

Hiei: Don't patronize me!

Jin: Okay, Shorty, let's have ourselves a fight…

Hiei: You're on!

Alicia: YAY!  The fight I always wanted to witness!

Katsumi: *whispering to Gin Shayde and Suni* You guys think she intentionally set this up so she could see Hiei and Jin duke it out?

Suni: Without a doubt.

Shayde: Not a doubt in my mind about that.

Gin: I think a sea lion set it up.  Sea lions are evil.  I once saw one eat two penguins.

PG: NO!  MY SUBOORDINATES! T_T

Suni: Either Alicia did it intentionally or she did it accidentally!  You can't pin this on sea lions!

Gin: Sea lions could be controlling her mind and making her do it.

Suni: Gr….

San: *whispering to Gin* It's best if you do not antagonize my sister.  She tends to be quite violen--*flip of her skirt* *whips around* You miserable human scum!  Keep out of my skirt! *Smack! Smack!*

IG and PG: Ow… @_@

Kione: *finally reenters after being chased around the block a hundred times* -_-;; I am so glad that is finally-- *touch*-- YOU PERVERTS!  I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME AGAIN! *turns GP gun on IG and PG*

IG: No, you told _him_ never to touch your _chest _again.  You never said anything about your butt.

PG: Right.

Kione: *groans* I hate letting people off on a technicality! *puts gun away*

Gin: Kione…

Kione: What is it?

Gin: *pulls out a bazooka* Take this, go to the zoo, and vent your frustration on the sea lions.

Kione: Are you crazy!?  I'd be thrown in jail!

Gin: Hey… I never thought of that!  It's killing two birds- who aren't penguins- with one stone!

Kione: *jumps up and grabs Gin by the collar*  WHADDYA MEAN BY THAT!?

Gin: The sea lions are dead and you're unavailable when I start my attempt at world domination- like I said, two birds with one stone.

Kione: I WILL NOT KILL THE SEA LIONS!

Gin: I am God!  Obey me!

Kione: NO!

Gin: YES!

Kione: NO!

Gin: YES!

Kione: NO!

Gin: YES!

Kione: **_NO!!!!!!!_**

Gin: Okay.

Mihosi: *enters*

Gin: Mihoshi! *hands Mihoshi the bazooka* Take this, go to the zoo, and kill the sea lions.

Mihoshi: Okay…

Kione: Don't do it Mihoshi!

Gin: Kill the sea lions or you aren't a goddess.

Mihoshi: Okay!  But wait!  Do I have enough time to get to the zoo before it closes?

Gin: Yeah… and Mihoshi?

Mihoshi: Yes?

Gin: I also want you to frame the whole thing on Kione.

Mihoshi: Okay! *giggles* *runs of to the zoo*

Jin: *turns to Hiei* Let's get on with it…

Hiei: Agreed…

Jin and Hiei: *step outside, followed by everyone else*

Alicia: Multiply! *forms into a dozen separate Alicias- six root madly for Jin, six root madly for Hiei*

Urd: Hey!  I want in on the action too!  Multiply! *separates into many Urds who form their own cheering sections for Hiei and Jin*

Belldandy: Urd, do you even know these two fellows? *curious look*

Urd: Uh… well no…. but… I just wanted to multiply!

Belldandy: Then I shall do the same!  Multiply! *forms into two Belldandy cheering sections*

Skuld: Multiply! *forms cheering sections as well*

Peorth: Multiply! *multiplies*

Suni: *stares at Peorth* Since when can you multiply… and since when are you here?

Peorth: Um… I don't know…. ^_^;;

Suni: For God's sake!

All Urds: *eyes sparkling* Saké!?  Where!?

Original Alicia: *sigh* You can take the alcohol away from the girl but that doesn't make her stop thinking about it…

Suni: I said sake not saké you idiots!

All Urds: Damn!

Gin: *pulls out a saké bottle (which is secretly empty) and taunts the Urds with it for ten minutes*

Urd #5: *grabs the saké bottle from Gin and opens it* *finally realizes it's empty* Damn you!

Gin: ^_^

All Urds: We want saké!!! T_T

Original Alicia: Even when she's divided, the girl still has a one-track mind.

Naoko: No offense, I mean, this looks like a good match but would you be mad at me if I skipped the show, Alicia?

All Alicias: WHAT!?!

Original Alicia: Why would you wanna skip out!?  This is the greatest match-up of the year! No, the decade!  No, the century!  Maybe even the millennium!

Naoko: *blood red in the face* I've… got something better to do *nods her head toward Kurama*

Original Alicia: *smirk* Oh I see what ya mean…  Don't worry bout missing the fight.  Love is worth missing a fight for.

Naoko: Thank you Alicia! *hugs her quickly then runs off to see Kurama*

Original Alicia: 0.0 *blinks* Now why was that so freaky?

Suni: Because Naoko hugged you.

Original Alicia: And that's freaky because?

Suni: No _normal_ person can actually be physically hugged by one of their split personalities[1].

Original Alicia: Are you saying I'm not normal!?

Suni: Precisely.  Got a problem with that?

Original Alicia: No not really.

Other Alicias: But we do!

Original Alicia: Shut up the lot of ya!  The fight's starting!

Other Alicias: Yay!

Alicia's Jin fan cheering section: Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin! Jin!

Alicia's Hiei fan cheering section: Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei! Hiei!

Jin: Enough already!  Could hear this ruckus plain as day twenty-seven miles away!

All Alicias: Sorry Jin-chan!

Jin: Good little lass.

All Alicias: Which one of us?

Jin: Ya'll are but yer all the same person so why pluralize "lass"?

Original Alicia: *thinking* He's got a point there…

Alicia #7: Who cares if he's got a point?  I still hope he loses.

Alicia #10: Amen to that!

Alicia #2: Shut up!  Jin's gonna win this and you know it!

Alicia #5: Yeah! XP

Jin: SHUT UP!

*Cricket cricket*

Jin: There that's much better.  Now all of you better keep it down to a low roar got it?

All Alicias: We will!

Jin: Alrighty then, Hiei!  Let's play it!

Original Alicia: Begin on three!  One... Two… Three!

Original Urd (Playing the role of a commentator): And the first round of this fight goes to Hiei!  Rock beats scissors!

Ice Hikari: Gah!  0_o;; They're playing jaken!?

Original Alicia (With an Irish accent): This is the kind o' crazy nonsense ye'll only find here in my world… -_-;;

Ice Hikari: Why do you have an Irish accent Alicia?

Original Alicia (Still with an Irish accent): Ye numbskull!  Don't ye know what I am?  I'm 50-50—half-Irish, half-German!

Ice Hikari: By any chance, do you happen to be a by-product of the Easter Rebellion[2]?

Original Alicia: Never call me a by-product!

Ice Hikari: Gomen nasai…

Original Urd: The second round goes to Jin!  Scissors beats paper!

Hiei: *thoughts* He's used scissors twice in a row…  I'll use scissors this time, and if we tie then it will be safe to assume that he will throw down scissors again. *end thoughts*

Jin: *thoughts* Perfect.  I can see it in his eyes.  The idgit (idgit-idiot) really believes I only choose scissors.  To make sure, he'll throw down scissors this next time.  I'll tie that round and then, when he throws down rock the next round, I'll choose paper.  *end thoughts*

Original Alicia: *reading Jin's and Hiei's minds* Jeez… they think too much.  It's only jaken.

Original Urd: And the third round is a tie with the opponents both throwing down scissors!

Hiei: *thoughts* I can't believe this moron really thinks I believe this little act of his.  Jin doesn't have the slightest clue how to keep a straight face and not tip his hand.  The win is mine. *end thoughts*

Jin: Let's count this final one down, eh?  One…

Hiei: Two…

Jin and Hiei: Three…

Original Urd: And victory goes to Jin!

Hiei: What the hell!?

Jin: Ye think I'm brainless.  Could tell it by the wind- you thought I was putting down paper, so I chose rock.  I win.

Hiei: Who cares if you can beat me at some mindless ningen game? I'll still be victorious in a real match!  ENATSU KOKURYU-HA!

Original Alicia: O dragon of dragons; fire of fires, obey me!  DISAPPEAR… ENATSU KOKURYU-HA!

*Black Dragon/Dragon of the Darkness Flame/ Enatsu Kokuryu-ha vanishes*

Hiei: *blinks* Hey!  I needed him!

Original Alicia: Too bad! *long pause* *blink* How do you know the dragon is a guy?

Hiei: It's written right here in this book that all dragons of the Makai are male. *pulls a book out of nowhere and opens to a page*

Original Alicia: *collects and absorbs the other Alicias to become whole again* Then where did they come from?

Hiei: What do you mean?

Alicia: Well if they're all guys then how did the dragons come to exist in the first place?  I mean, you still need a girl for that, don't you?  Even if they are dragons, you'd still need a girl for the guys to even exist, right?

Hiei: Hm… never thought of that.  Perhaps this book is even more incorrect than it seemed. *incinerates book*  It's like that little dilemma you humans are always pondering over… What was it again?

Alicia: First of all, I'm an Irish-German _goddess not a human.  Second, I believe you're thinking of "What came first- the chicken or the egg?"_

Hiei: Well, logically, the egg.

Alicia: I wholly agree.  Evolution led some sort of small dinosaur to lay an egg, which hatched into a chicken… or what would slowly evolve into one.

Yusuke: A dinosaur giving birth to a chicken…  Do you know how nuts you sound!?  Dinosaurs became lizards and junk like that!

Alicia: Actually, Yusuke, the scientists who study dinosaurs commonly believe that the bone structure of most two-legged dinosaurs greatly resembles that of a chicken's.

Yusuke: Listen, Licia.  I don't intend to sit here and take a lecture on dinosaurs.

Alicia: Well too bad because you're _going to listen! *throws on a stupid looking royal blue cap and gown and thick, black-rimmed glasses*_

Fire Hikari: Maxwell, you look like you're graduating… not teaching.

Alicia: ^-^ I like wearing the graduation robes!  They're cool!

Yusuke: *nervous look* You aren't seriously gonna sit here and teach me science and junk are ya?

Alicia: Until next chapter, yes!  Now let us begin with the T-Rex, also known as the Tyrannosaurus Rex….

Yusuke: *groans*

  


* * *

[1] In case you hadn't picked up on it, Suni, Ice Hikari, Fire Hikari, Naoko, and Katsumi are all Alicia's split personalities but something in her nature allows her to occasionally divide her separate personalities into separate beings.

[2] Easter Rebellion- During WWI, in 1916, the Germans sought to distract the British from their onslaught.  Noting the strong desire of the Irish to be free from Britain's control, Germany came to the aid of the Irish and gave them funding to purchase weapons and distract the British.  By calling Alicia a "by-product of the Easter Rebellion" Hikari is assuming that, since the Germans aided the Irish, there must have been some romance between certain Irish men/women and Germans of the opposite sex.


End file.
